How not to drink

She slowly sips her beer, I drink five colas. We both smoke. She wins two games, I win three. We talk easily, no uncomfortable silences, no akward pauses, She asks me how often I want to drink and use I tell her always. She asks me if being in a bar is hard I tell her I can get alcohol wherever I want, wherever I am, there are liquor stores on every block, being in a bar is no different than being anywhere else. She asks me if it's hard not drinking, I tell her it's miserable, that I spend a lot of my time crying, that sometimes I feel like I want to die. She asks me how I deal with it, I tell her that I always know that at some point I will feel better and If I'm patient and hold on, that point will come.

James Frey

My Friend Leonard