Sargans, 29 October 2026
That to be present is a present I only understand intellectually, if at all. I associated it with a sense of being indescribably happy. The only times I experienced such a sensation was in intimate moments with a woman. I guess it had to do with fulfilled longings.
Nowadays, I experience the present differently. As something that just is. The idea that it should feel exciting seems to be gone. Instead it feels strangely unreal. At the same time, I'm glad and grateful to experience what just is. No resistence, no insistence that it should feel like my longings dictate. My old self however doubts that it will last.