Standing Up for Ourselves

It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.

"You have rights," we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."

Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?

There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.

Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for our own rights and ourselves.

Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do.

Accepting Anger

If I were working a good program, I wouldn't get angry.... If I were a good Christian, I wouldn't feel angry.... If I were really using my affirmations about how happy I am, I wouldn't be angry.... Those are old messages that seduce us into not feeling again. Anger is part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can't afford to ignore it.

In recovery, we learn we can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don't have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it.

Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to.

Die Schreibmaschine als Psychiater

Noch ein ziemlich guter Satz fiel mir ein, während ich durch den graunieseligen Vormittag fuhr, an dem der Nebel so tief hing, dass ich das andere Ufer der Elbe nicht sehen konnte. Die Schreibmaschine sei sein Psychiater, weil sie den ersetze. Ein Bekenntnis, das viele unterschreiben würden, die schreiben. Ich bekenne mich dazu, Mitglied dieses Clubs zu sein.

Michael Jürgs

in einem Artikel über Siegfried Lenz

Responsibility for ourselves

Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.

It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.

The Merton Prayer

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. 

I do not see the road ahead of me. 

I cannot know for certain where it will end. 

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. 

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. 

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. 

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. 

Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. 

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton: Thoughts in Solitude.

Discipline

Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.

Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.

Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.

Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.

Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.

Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.

Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.

Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.

Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward. But we are.

The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.

Im Zeitalter des Wahnsinns

Das gegenwärtige Zeitalter ist wahnsinnig. Es ist besessen von einem Gefühl der Ortlosigkeit, einem Verlust an persönlicher Identität, einem Wechsel zwischen Sentimentalität und Wut, was man bei einem Patienten als Wahnsinn bezeichnen könnte. 

Walker Percy (1916-1990)