Hope, my enemy

Hope is my enemy.

It always it tells me that where I am is not good enough, it constantly wants me to believe that there is something better than what I have, it again and again keeps reminding me that the way things are is not okay.

Hope does not accept that the moment is all we have, it is not in tune with the stream of life, it does not understand that the present is a present.

So far my enemy has proven to be stronger than me. Despite my best insights, I still prefer to be where I am not, and to feel what I don't. Sure, there are moments when this isn't true. Sadly, they are rare.

I do live for biological reasons and not because I have decided to live. And, hope supports my survival instinct. There is, as far as I'm concerned, however a difference between living and surviving. In order to live, one has to give up hope, one needs to surrender.

Hope dies last, it is said. I hope to surrender sooner.